Miss Universe

As all my readers no doubt know, the Miss Universe pageant was just held.  Actually, I did not know until I checked the headlines on my phone this morning while my computer was booting up.  Last night I watched a Mexican movie with subtitles, shot in black and white, called Roma.  But Miss Universe!  I wonder what aliens think of that.

Woman Judging Contest

There is so much to consider when framing this pageant in the context of aliens who are hiding out in space, watching our every move.  First, I will start with what many consider be the sexist nature of the whole thing - judging women on their looks.  Apparently, most of the world is OK with this, since the contest is still held every year.  Even in this "Me too" era, people seem to like a watching good old fashioned woman-judging contest.

Do alien women have breasts?
Runner-up, Miss Milky Way
The appeal, of course is, people in general (both men and women) love to admire a beautiful woman.  The New Yorker says, "interest in beauty pageants has faded in the United States."  True.  Just look at what I watched instead.  Yet, the contest goes on, year after year.  Do aliens watch this and go, "Oh my God, Gortnok, these humans are so primitive!"  Or do they watch it and point at the screen, jump up and down, and yell, "Wow!  Look at that one!"

I wonder if they have beauty pageants on other planets.  What would that be like?  Do all alien species who visit us have male and female sexes?  If they do, which is "the fairer sex?"  It is possible that on some planets, men are the ones who have to dress up in frilly outfits and decorate their faces, in order to appeal to women.  On Earth, seahorses carry their offspring.  Who is to say that this is not the case elsewhere in the universe?

Would a swimsuit competition make any sense on another planet?  Do alien women have breasts?  Would they want to cover them up with a bikini top?  It sounds silly.  If they do have breasts, would they care about exposing them, or not?  Many beaches in Europe and elsewhere permit topless sunbathing.  New York State allows women to go topless pretty much anywhere a man can, according to Topless Laws Expert, Ben Barry.  Maybe seeing a pair of boobs is no big deal to a civilization which is a million years older than ours.

How about the name, "Universe?"  Really?  It is a little arrogant to suggest that Earth has the hottest women in the Universe.  It is like holding a World Series in Baseball and only opening up it to the United States.  OK Canada, you can come too, but screw you, Japan!  How can we hold a contest and call it "Universe" when it is only open to people of Earth?  Should we not call it the Miss Earth Contest?

The Brazil of the Universe

Maybe it is true that Earth has the greatest beauty.  I have seen some of these so-called Grays.  No one is driving off the road and hitting a tree when one of these ladies struts by.  But there has to be a place in the Universe where the body is worshiped more than it is on Earth - the Brazil of the Universe.  It is bad enough that some people think Earth has the only life in the Universe.  But the only beauty?

I just had a horrible thought.  What if Earth is the Brazil of the Universe?  Nothing against Brazil - I am sure it is a lovely place full of wonderful people.  But the culture in Brazil is known for objectifying women and treating them like second-class citizens.  Most Western Nations strive to be better than that, these days.

What if there really was a Miss Universe Pageant somewhere out in the cosmos, where contestants represented their planets?  Would Earth even make the Top 20?  Would we send a woman or a man, to compete?  Would there be a swimsuit competition?  How would you judge a swimsuit competition if the contestants all had different anatomy?  Do people even go to the beach on other planets?

I am going to be thinking about this all day.

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Thank you for reading and keep an eye on the sky.