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Thursday, January 24, 2019

Space Station Meet-ups Conspiracy

I laughed out loud, this morning, when I read that some people think the International Space Station is being used as a "meeting place" for aliens to interact with humans.  This is reported in the British tabloid, Express.  I love a good conspiracy theory (and even some bad ones).  This is a fun one.  Let us take a look at it.  I will examine
  • Feasibility of alien visits to the ISS
  • Practicality of alien visits to the ISS
  • Repercussions of alien visits to the ISS

Space Station Meet-ups Conspiracy

Feasibility of Alien Visits to the ISS

Could an alien spaceship dock at the ISS?  Have you seen this thing?  On paper it appears to be huge, at least as objects in space go.  It is 375 feet (109 meters) long with 13,696 cubic feet (388 cubic meters) of habitable living space.  They say the living quarters are the size of a six bedroom house.

If you think about that, as compared to your own house, you could imagine that it is possible to host a few aliens.  We have hosted as many as about 30 people at our house, including my immediate family, and it was cozy and comfortable.  With six people living at the Space Station at any given time, it would be possible to host a small crew of aliens in the building.  There would be no room for overnight guests but assuming no one got drunk and passed out on the couch that should not be a problem.

Feasibility of alien visits to the ISS
One too many, on the ISS
What about parking?  Even a large driveway can get crowded quickly when you put more than two or three cars in it.  The Space Station is designed to host up to six spaceships, connected to the building, with room for another twenty out on the lawn, so to speak.  Our Earthling spaceships are fairly small.  The Space Shuttle was small enough to ride piggy-back on a 747.  Current space capsules are smaller.  An alien spaceship would have to be similarly sized in order to dock with the Space Station.  This transport ship would need to have a connector with the same gauge as the ports on the Space Station.  How would they know, ahead of time, what size to design in their specs and then build their ship's access port?

There are two possibilities which make the size feasible, given the distance from there to here and the requirements of a ship which would make that journey.  One is that a ship the size of the spaceship I saw could have a dinghy on board which could transport a few occupants from one ship to another.  

Practicality of alien visits to the ISS

The second is, maybe some aliens are very tiny, say less than a foot tall, and one of our tiny space capsules would be enormous for them.  They could then dock the whole mother ship with the ISS.  If they were that small, hosting 30 of them would not even be a problem, as far as available space goes.

Practicality of Alien Visits to the ISS

Watching videos of the space station interior it is clear that it can be difficult to get around in there.  The tunnels connecting one section to another are tight.  In one section you actually have to shimmy around a nose cone used to dock arriving spacecraft.  If the aliens had any wide-reaching appendages or tentacles they would have difficulty getting from one section to another.  Fortunately no one has ever reported seeing a fat alien.

The Central Command Post does not appear to be set up for entertaining.  There is no large conference table or lounge area.  It is just a control module with a coffee machine.  I wonder if aliens would like coffee.  What if they really liked it and drank five cups each?  What does the alien pee-pee dance look like?

There are two bathrooms on the ISS.  That is OK for six people.  What would aliens do if they had to go.  I am not going to speculate on what an alien would do to a bathroom.  I will only say that I am not convinced our facilities could handle whatever happens.

There is a constant drone of air conditioning sounds.  I could imagine aliens repeatedly shouting, "What???  What???"  Hopefully they have telepathy.

After docking and some initial introductions I am thinking the first thing the aliens would ask is, "What's the WiFi password?"  They would likely complain about how slow it is, compared to back  home.  Our astronauts would say the same thing.  They would all have a good laugh and then get on to, "So, to what do we owe the pleasure?"

They would all have to stand since there are no large meeting rooms, suitable for hosting an alien delegation.  This might be off-putting to our guests.  They would also murmur to each other in their own language about how primitive it is to have people living in zero gravity.  The one guy would say, "That's the first thing we're changing about this place after we eat all these guys."  The other guy would elbow him.  They would both look up at their hosts and smile.  Their boss would give them a dirty look.

Repercussions of Alien Visits to the ISS

Finally, the repercussions.  What would happen if some alien life form boarded the Space Station?  My first concern is disease.  Think about when Europeans first encountered Native Americans ("Indians").  The results were devastating.  Entire villages were wiped out due to infectious diseases like smallpox and even common ailments which Europeans had built up immunity to.  All it would take is one alien with the sniffles and the entire crew could be laid out.  It is possible that any humans who arrived afterwards, to retrieve the lifeless bodies, could also become infected.  Certain modules of the Space Station would have to be jettisoned and destroyed.  The entire building could be declared a loss.  Although, if that were ever to happen I suppose we would have bigger issues to deal with than rebuilding a space station.

If disease did not affect the crew, certainly there would be a mess to clean up.  Think about how you have to go around and tidy up after having a few friends over.  Some aliens may have clean, smooth skin like humans do but others may be slimy and smelly.  They would leave a sticky or slimy mess on anything they touched.  I am picturing something like the Soul Glow family from Coming to America.  Some items may be so thoroughly saturated with grease and slime, they would have to be ejected from the building.

Repercussions of Alien Visits to the ISS
Just let your Soul Glow
When you feed a stray cat or dog, it keeps showing up on your porch every day.  What would aliens do if we were hospitable towards them?  Would they come back every day for treats?  They could quickly cause the supply of food on the Space Station to dwindle.  Resupply ships would need to be sent up frequently.  We would notice this, here on the ground.

We would also notice extra military and diplomatic personnel being blasted into space.  Why should we expect that Contact with ETs would best be handled by scientists.  Many people do not even trust scientists to tell them that Global Warming is cause by man.  Why would these same people trust a scientist to represent all of mankind?  We would definitely send up a politician or other diplomat, along with a security detail.  Again, we would notice this.

More likely, though, the astronauts would tell the aliens they had to meet with people on the ground.  Could you imagine Mitch McConnell or Nancy Pelosi putting on a space suit and getting on a rocket?  No.  Not happening.  The astronauts would kindly call out from behind the triple-locked door, "My mom's not home and I can't let anyone in," and direct them to Washington or New York, or perhaps Moscow.

Could aliens meet up with humans at the Space Station.  Sure. It is possible.  Would that ever happen?  In scientific terms, meh.

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If you have seen an alien spaceship or any type of unidentified flying object (UFO) contact me using the Contact form on this page.  You may remain anonymous if you want.  I will not ridicule you or try to tell you why you are wrong.  I get it, I saw one too.

Thank you for reading and keep an eye on the sky.

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