Anyone with an interest in aliens and UFOs will at some point come across stories involving cattle. Sometimes cows disappear. Sometimes, the story is more gruesome. Cattle mutilation is not the most appetizing subject but one which I have not yet tackled and of which I have some ideas. Do not worry, I will not go into many gory details. This should be a fun piece to write and hopefully you too will enjoy it.

So what is this all about. The background, for those who have not looked much into this is, periodically farmers and cattle ranchers will file reports with their local police detailing bizarre scenes of downed or missing cattle. These events are investigated as if they were a crime scene. Detectives will comb the area looking for clues. Reports will be written.

Cows pass all the time, who cares, right? Yes, cows die sometimes of natural causes. They get sick just like we do and it is normal to come across a downed cow from time to time. Also, sometimes a predator will take a cow as a tasty treat. They like steak as much as we do. So it is normal for a pack of wolves, a cougar, or some other carnivorous wild animal to take down a cow and devour it. And in some instances cows are poached by people who simply want some free food, ill-gotten as it were.

Here is the problem. What makes these cases so bizarre is that the scenarios above do not fit the narrative of what some ranchers discover. Cows will be found downed without any signs of having been eaten. There will not even be a single bite mark. There will be no signs of any disease. These are typically healthy animals.

Even more strange, though, is the abnormalities which are discovered. An NPR report on cattle mutilation says cows will be found shriveled up like a raisin without a drop of blood left in their bodies, yet there is also not a drop of blood on the ground. And these animals may be missing their tongues, genitals, or udders. Who would do something like this?

Could it be, maybe Satan?

Some people believe this is part of some kind of Satanic ritual. What the blood and genitals would be used for is beyond me. But OK, I suppose it is possible. I have heard stories of goats and chickens being sacrificed to the Prince of Darkness. But those are small animals which are easy to handle. And I believe the letting of blood is part of the ritual. Why would a cow be relieved of all its blood without a drop being spilled? Oh, and did I mention there are no signs of how the blood is removed? No cuts anywhere except where items were removed. And how do entire animals disappear without any signs of carnage, footprints, or damage to fences?

People will dance around the subject of aliens without saying what they believe. No one wants to be that nut-job who believes in Little Green Men. But what else could it be? We know aliens visit and observe us. We know of countless stories of people being abducted by aliens. Is it that much of a stretch to conclude that aliens may be interested in cattle?

For me the question is not, are aliens messing with our cows? That is a foregone conclusion. My question is, why are aliens messing with our cows?

Why do Aliens Like Cows?

Artist Roger Phillips whom I featured in my story of the Pinebush UFO Fair, makes a living drawing cartoons on the subject, among other alienata. His work is featured in the Roswell Daily Record, affectionately known as the small town rag of Roswell, New Mexico. Roger does a lot of cartoons involving aliens and cows. It is a running gag, and a good one.

I asked Roger about the fascination with cows. He told me:

I always thought that the connection between the grays and cattle was a humorous one. Why would a species capable of interstellar travel be interested in mutilating cows when they have such advanced technology? Besides, how many cows do they need? Even us primitive humans are capable of growing meat in a laboratory setting! I like to think about the contract that aliens are humorless, cold and unfeeling while my comic aliens have many foibles and weaknesses that we humans experience.

I guess the only reason the aliens would be interested in cattle at all is that maybe they are distant relatives of man from the future and maybe a glimmer of our primate past still lives on inside them.

I always appreciate a new perspective on a discussion topic. But we are still not getting to the heart of the matter - or the liver or kidneys, etc. Why do aliens like cows?

Here is what I think:

Cow Spies

One of my first blog articles was about alien spies disguised as insects. It was inspired by a hike in the woods with my kids where we encountered some strange insects which all built themselves identical little houses. Each house resembled a larger insect with huge eyes. I had never seen anything like it in my life. What creature was capable of doing something like that?

What insect builds these houses?

Since I think about aliens quite often these days, I imagined that this was something aliens could do if they wanted to slip into our world and spy on us. Aliens could disguise themselves as insects and most people would never know the difference between these bugs and any other bug.

This assumes that a species with the ability to get from there to here (wherever that is) would also have the ability to manipulate DNA to transform themselves into Earth-like creatures. Maybe that is a stretch of the imagination based on current human technology but just think what we could do with another million years of research. What if people on another planet started this research a million years ago? Or 100 million years ago!

But why stop there? Why just insects? What other Earth creatures would provide the perfect cover for alien spies? What animals do humans permit to hang out with us? Who are our friends in the animal kingdom?

Man's best friend is, of course, the dog. Then there are cats and other house pets. Understanding Man's complex relationship with these animals would take some study ahead of time - there are pre-requisites to this. That is Man 400. We need an animal that is Man 101. I say that because, picture yourself arriving at Planet Earth. You just flew 100 light years and you know nothing about this planet. All you know is what you can observe from your spaceship. What do you see?

I see cities with millions of people walking on sidewalks. This must be who is in charge here. What other creatures do I see milling about in large numbers? Cows.

Dairy farmers will often have hundreds of cows. Cattle ranchers may have thousands. Often times these animals are set out to pasture where they just hang out, munching grass, doing what they please, in close proximity to humans. If I were an alien and I wanted to spy on the people who were running the place, I might want to dress up as a cow to get in close.

I do not know how one would go about transforming themselves into a cow. But maybe it involves more than just getting a mouth swab and growing some DNA in a petri dish. Maybe they need some of the animal's organs in order to understand how it works? This could explain the mutilation.

Why do they sometimes take just the genitals and the blood? I am just speculating here, of course, but maybe they are good at growing the animals but they cannot get them started. The engine cranks but it does not turn over, so to speak. They need real cow blood to get them going. And then, once they have a working cow (who, by the way, used to be a guy named Frednork who is now going undercover) they need a faster way to make more cows than the ole' DNA in a petri dish routine. It is faster to incubate the cows.

Or, maybe it is a combination of the two. They need the reproductive organs to incubate cows and the blood is used to provide nourishment through some type of umbilicus.

However it works, once aliens can grow cows or transform into them, this would be a pretty good disguise. They could hang out on the farm and watch us come and go. They could observe our food production technology up close. They could listen in on our conversations - who lowers their voices around cows? On the contrary, a working farm can be a loud place, at times. Farmers will often need to raise their voices to be heard over machinery and mooing cows.

The alien cows would not have to worry about food and shelter. They would be well cared for - feedings in the barn or out in the pasture. A good scrubbing with the hose, from time to time. "Hold on, what's that? Are you milking me? Seriously, guys? Your hands are freezing!"

Some alien cattle may not fare as well as the dairy cows, though. They would be like, "Oh, we're going for a ride? What fun! So, what's there to do in Kansas City? Will I get to meet Patrick Mahomes?" Next thing you know, they are at Peter Luger's in Brooklyn.

Peter Luger's

Spies? Really? OK, it is a huge stretch of the imagination. What is a more simple explanation for aliens' seeming fascination with cows? I always like to bring things back down to human nature and draw corollaries between us and aliens. We are smart, they are smart - maybe we think alike on some things.

What do humans like about cows? Um... they are yummy. Sorry vegetarian readers, give me a moment here - in fact, just scroll down to the next article. I love beef. I like a nice steak. I am a sucker for a fast food hamburger - does not really matter from where, they are all about the same, although I do wish In-n-Out would expand to the East Coast. Maybe aliens like beef too! Maybe they love a tender, juicy steak.

Aliens may take this a step further. In parts of Asia, people eat blood soup and have other uses for blood. Some people in other parts of the world will eat feet and other parts of animals that folks here in the US would turn our noses up to. It is feasible that aliens like to eat only certain parts of the cow and they have precision tools, much more advanced than a butcher knife, to get at that food. You have heard of shark fin soup. How about cow udder chutney?

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